Jul. 1st, 2017

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I went to work out this morning. Haven't done much the last 2 weeks. I hurt everywhere. Right now it feels like it would be so easy to quit. I'm not losing weight. I am getting in shape. I can run on the treadmill without falling off. I still can't stretch and touch my toes while sitting. I can do a hanging leg lift. I can do an assisted chin up. I still feel like everyone is judging me when I go.

I keep thinking of finding a therapist but there is no one close. I guess I have gone to BEA for worse reasons. I just don't know what a therapist is going to tell me that I don't know already. If I thought there was something to learn to work out, fine. But I know the problem. I might even know the solution. Why do I need to pay them for the answers I already have?

Talked to Leo a few times today. He seems more resigned to things as Petra was there to pack up. Only she won't finish it. She keeps stringing him along. He seems ok with that. I hear she even asked if he would get together with me now that she was out of the way.

I asked Lucy why she and I weren't with these really awesome guys because we had it all together. Why do the guys always go for the fucked up women? You'd think they'd get sick of it and want someone who sort of had it all together. I guess they do. They just want it in a 22 yo package with a firm ass and big tits. I reactivated one of my profiles for about an hour tonight. Had someone message me almost instantly but I was already debating the honesty of his dead wife and child and his desire to hear my sweet voice. I don't think I'll ever meet anyone that I'm not expecting their dishonesty to be brought to light.

And I am so sick of Trump. I can't even enjoy reading shit online anymore because he's like a bad case of lice or crabs or projectile vomit and diarreah. Fucking everywhere.

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bree_zee

July 2017

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