May. 14th, 2017

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I had perhaps the most open conversation tonight I've ever had with my brother. I'm actually proud of the bastard. Dad would be so proud of him as well. Bro's a good man, a good father. I always knew that but it was more the benefit of the doubt kind of belief. Tonight...I know it.

His oldest is struggling with her identity. She came out as gay. Now she is somewhat living as a male at school. Her friends, even her teachers acknowledge her by her male name. And it's a decidedly male name, not some gender-neutral name. But she is not living that life fully away from school. She's found a counselor and has been diagnosed as bipolar also.

Bro worries she's doing it as part of some acceptance phase for her peer group. I don't know that I believe anyone would go to this length to find acceptance for what society, for the most part, finds unacceptable. It would be much easier to be a lesbian, than it would to be transgendered or non-gendered. So I think she's struggling with her awareness of her sexuality and where it fits into the spectrum.

She's never been one to skirt the obvious lines of gender norms. She was decidedly feminine in her approach to the usual kid stuff - toys, clothes, roles, etc. She never expressed a desire or showed outward signs of being a male. I also know that what we feel and what we tell/show others aren't always congruous.

I came out to him and he calmly accepted it. Told me he'd known for a while I didn't conform. Knew that my relationship with Leo and EO and Del wasn't the usual. Guess I wasn't hiding it as well as I thought. But I also told him that I left home because I couldn't deal with how the truth would be accepted. He worries she'll run away. I told him to point my direction if she needed a place to run. I left because I couldn't stand the thought of dad not loving me, even though looking back that never would have happened. I wish we had the benefit of hindsight when we needed it, and not only in hindsight.


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